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Your February 2004 Hors D' Scope

  The Mysterious All-Seeing Big Brown Eye of Sarcastio

By: The Mysterious, All-Seeing Big Brown Eye of Sarcastio

(Your Horoscopic Punnisher and All-Around 

Mean-Spirited Oracle)


Arteries: You feel downright pumped, but you're 

only being built up and will not be able to handle 

the pressure. Nonetheless, you receive a plaque, 

hang it on your wall then pay to have it removed.

Petaurus: You glide into a new neck of the 

woods only to find everyone lying down under 

their canopies. But they're not asleep - they're 

just playing possum with you until you find 

somewhere else to hang out...

Bigeminy: Shall I compare thee to a summer's 

day? No. Shall I compare thee to a two-timer? 

Yup. So beat it, double time.

Canceleer: You cast the bate, but just when 

you're about to land your perch, things take a 

turn for the worse. To correct this, you quickly 

turn away, fall mute, and prey no one will 

notice. How could you stoop so low?

Libral:  February pounds on poor Libral. But 

don't let this weigh you down.  Just because 

life's great scale isn't tipped in your favor, 

doesn't mean you don't measure up - it just 

means you are antiquated.

Vergee: You find yourself feeling small, 

isolated and outdated. Parish the thought! 

In realty, you're quite a parcel - wrapped 

up in yourself, that is!

Cleo: You meet the mark in romance 

but after falling all over you, he falls all 

over his sword. I guess it's better that 

he loved and lost than get stuck with 

you - you'd just end up a bit of an asp.

Corpsio: February will be a dead month 

for you. You'll be late for everything and 

feel like a zombie - coughin' night and 

day. Get plenty of peaceful rest and limit 

your undertakings. Stay away from the light.

Saggy-tarius: Like Corpsio, you will feel 

bagged during February. But the bags will 

be under your eyes, arms and ankles rather 

than around you. Get some exercise you lazy bum!

DiCaprio-corn: Your love life sinks, and you try 

to stay afloat by hitting the shores. But the 

beach-boy's life is an unfit environment for castaways, 

so our poor Romeo has yet another titanic failure.

Daiquirius:   Sugar, you're intoxicating. But 

this is no compliment. You might think you're 

getting people juiced up, yet actually they're 

being driven bananas, and your tipsy world's 

about to come crumbling down. Why don't you 

put yourself on ice for a while...?

Piscaries:  You get a gut feeling that there is 

some fishy business going on about you. You 

split, get half cut, and move to another block.

July 2003        August 2003

  September 2003       October 2003       November 2003

The Worst of Hors D'Scopes 2003

    January 2004       February  2004       

March 2004       April 2004

May/June 2004



About the Hors D'Scopes


Jaywalker, February 2004

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