The Worst of Hors D' Scopes 2003

By: The Mysterious, All-Seeing Big Brown Eye of Sarcastio

(Your Horoscopic Punnisher and All-Around 

Mean-Spirited Oracle)

Aviaries: You'll probably be busy, but not very popular. Find some honey to pollinate and kick back for the weekend. (July)

Minotaurus: Your legendary bull-headedness

will amaze people this month. But though you're bossy and not very neat, your human side will come through in the end. (October)

Gremlini: This month offers you plenty of troublemaking, but it's all in good fun. Stay away from water and be sure to stay clear of

little old salesmen. (July)

Canvasser: Many doors will close for you as you enter your autumn. Despite this, put your best foot forward and knock on wood, as life is ready to give you a grand slam. (October)

Librarian: The story of this month unfolds uneventfully for our poor librarian. Don't be afraid to turn a new leaf and enter a new chapter in your life. Will it be a better life?  Well, that's another story. (August)

Viagro:  Good for you! You're finally up and coming after a long time with your head down.   But be warned: things can peter out just as quickly as they came. (July)

Oleo: You spread yourself too thin this month,

effecting close relationships. You will find someone to loaf around with - but don't fool yourself - you're just a substitute until they find someone butter. (October)

 Scoria: This month will test your mettle. Though you rise to the top, it is not because you are cream, but because you are scum. (July)

Sachetarius: You've got it all in the bag this month. Though many will find you incensitive, you'll manage to turn around this dirty laundry and come out smelling like roses. (August)

Caspercorn: Though you are simply acting in good spirits, your comic behaviour as of late is more worthy of the obituaries than of the funny pages. (October)

Antiquarius: You settle down, getting loaded and gathering dust. But don't let this slip distress you. Get on the ball, and claw your way up the ladder, back into shape, and finish the rest of life's silver plate. (October)

(Pisces had no future last month, so here's two!)

Pixies: Your mischievous ways infuriate those believers with whom you tinker. Bellwether or not, your power will peter out, and your plans won't pan out. Not a happy thought. (October)

Fishies: Beware of men with big rods and tall stories. They'll have something that'll get to you hook, line and sinker. (July)  

July 2003        August 2003

  September 2003       October 2003       November 2003

The Worst of Hors D'Scopes 2003

    January 2004       February  2004       

March 2004       April 2004

May/June 2004

About the Hors D'Scopes