Arbitraries: You find
yourself up a tree - no - on a beach. You’re at a round table wearing
flip-flops and eating waffles. Then everything gets hazy…
Exposed as the pakeha-pom piker you really are, you rattle your dags down
to a pub in Eketahuna, and scull from stubbies till you’re choc-a-block,
skint and off your face. Then some local hoons walk in, give you the
collywobbles, and you chunder like thunder in the dunny. Bog-standard for
a sooky wanker like you.
Wagemin: Aw shucks! People have begun to notice that you’re withered and sickly.
This may sound corny, my dear cobber, but why don’t you try to amaze
them with your grit? Of course, that would go against your grain – yer’
Liber: You feel like you’re up a
tree, so you shed your skin, go on the lam and get looped. In other words:
your bark is worsted, then you’re a bight.
Vireo: The kids have all flown the coop
leaving you with empty-nest syndrome. You start to go buggy, and dream of
a home in a new world.
Leno: You are warped. You openly spin yarns that trap others in
your web. But others can see right through you, making you cross.
Scorporo: Others are of far greater
interest than you, and you risk becoming undesirable. So, feeling less
secure about your future, you clip coupons, and sell them off at a profit.
Aggravatarius: You try to
get your goat out for a ride, but you have an upset into a patch of nettle
and ruin your pique cardigan. Grate!
You present yourself as a star, but it’s all just a big act. It’s just
a stage you’re going through. Stop making a scene and rewrite your life
script – maybe you’ll get a more fitting role. Props.
You try to spice up your life by getting fried and taking in salsa every
night. However, it catches up with you, and you find yourself wrapped up
in your own little shell. Take my advice: if you can’t stand the heat,
stay out of the kitchen.
Piscators: There’s something fishy on deck for you this
month. Everyone has an angle; everyone is handing you a line. You’re not
about to take the bait, though – you’re too busy reeling in your own